[ as ever, he listens, carefully taking alisaie's words into account, bluntness and all. again... the same hat.
after a long moment, thoughtful; ]
Then... I suppose there is a counter of this; who else would you have asked him to take in her stead?
[ equally blunt, but - it is only in conversation, and gently delivered. xie lian gets it. he really does, he understands what she's saying perfectly, and to talk of the cruelties of this place as something inescapable is hard, but. ] This place takes our choice from us, and forces our hands in the cruelest of ways. That is the vilest of evils, the cruelest of manners, and while the choice for Susato was deliberate, the choice not to kill at all was taken from him.
...As it was taken from others.
[ there's a moment of deliberate pause, there - but. he reaches to absently scratch san lang under the chin, who stretches. ] If given the choice, I think many of those here would not have ever raised their hand to take the life of another, but that choice is never given. Susato did her best to enable that there would be a choice - I spoke with Rochalizo last night, and he told me that Susato was the one who made the cake, and the one who drugged Rochalizo with it, because instead of being forced into killing each other, or attempting to, she wanted the chance for them both to live.
...She was the one who did her best to follow a path unknown, not Rochalizo, though - I think he would have, if not already compelled. To throw spite into the face of the Angels who had already forced her into that position, once, instead of allowing the angels to just win. I know she wanted to find the others who had been through a thing as terrible as she had, weeks ago, in order to help them bear the load of their guilt - so that they would not be alone.
[ there's a quiet uptick in emotion as he speaks - xie lian's expression shifts, brows furrowing together, sadness pulling his mouth downwards before he catches himself and shakes his head, letting the loss of a close friend gently melt into his heart, still as water. ]
... I don't disagree with your suspicions, either - I am sure that vengeance would be the ideal means to justify their ends. It is why I think that choosing kindness and mercy in those situations instead is so important.
[She gives him a look that's one part warning, one part relenting, tilting her head.]
That sounds like a trap, Xie Lian. Are you asking me now to be the arbiter of our worth? I can tell you those who would offer the angels less power, but you and I both know there is no easy option, even if there may be an "ideal" one.
[But aside from that, she'll listen, though she lifts her eyebrows at the pause. And when he finishes... she shakes her head. Gently at first, but then harder. It's hard to explain--she still hasn't quite managed to align everything running through her mind into neat and orderly thoughts, but--]
She wanted people to confide in her, but was not willing to confide in others. I gave her multiple opportunities to do so--I asked her to talk to me--and still she kept her silence. She told me the afternoon ere she died that she would have liked to talk about things but hadn't been certain I wanted to know. But I had asked, many times.
Susato is clever and strong and much more capable than she thinks others believe her. But she also has the tendency to adapt a belief as truth when it is not. On Thursday, she seemed convinced we'd thought her a helpless young girl in need of rescue at the time of Rex's murder, though I doubt anyone has seen her as helpless or in need of rescue. She thought the trust I would have in her unwarranted if I did not doubt or suspect her first, without considering I might have arrived at my conclusions another way.
[Wasn't this supposed to be about her murder, not Susato herself? Well, perhaps it's all right; this is the first that Alisaie's actually talked about Susato properly since her death, and between their last conversations and the letter Susato wrote her she's been struggling to put it all together, especially with the context of everything else underscoring it.]
And in the snow this week, she sought to spite the angels. Full well do I understand her desire to do so, but given the nature of the battle we fight... the path that might ultimately save the most begins on one of those laid out before us. To ensure we will be able to reach the best possible outcome for everybody, we must consider the wider picture. Not just how we may make our individual stands.
[Speaking of which... she gives Xie Lian that same look from before.]
That is why I had no intentions of truly harming Rochalízo last night. I was angry at what the both of them had done, but I will not give the angels more power if I may avoid it.
I know it does - thus why it was only rhetorical. It is a terribly cruel question to ask of anyone.
[ a sheepish smile, there. xie lian would never ask that of anyone, and that's the point! especially not of alisaie, who he knows is hurting, too. just listening to her makes it clear - as ever, he's quiet and thoughtful, nodding as he runs his hand gently over san lang's head as he considers what to say in return. ]
... I think many did see her as someone in need in rescue - or, certainly, many saw her as impossibly innocent of the crime itself. Even I didn't believe it, and I only came to to the conclusion that she killed Rex that Monday. I agree - I never once saw her as incapable - but I think I also couldn't stand the idea of her having been the one to do the deed. Truthfully, her own near death in that situation makes even more sense, knowing the type of person that she is, and the context of it all.
Part of that is because her realm is quite unfair to women, I believe. Whether people saw her as weak was true or not, the people of her realm certainly would have assumed so, and it is difficult to throw away how the world has always treated you in the context of a new place. But... I think there was much she was willing to confide, for as much as she was able to, if she felt it was safe to do so.
[ ... he knows that, anyway. xie lian bites his lip for a moment, looking down at san lang, who makes a quiet noise and nuzzles into his hand. ] As you and I are certainly stubborn, I think she is, too. [ which is honestly probably why they get along so well. full hearted and committed to the their decisions. ]
Even last week, she... I think her stubbornness in that situation was quite obvious. [ smash cut to susato scolding them all for not checking coins. ] We had a contingency plan, last week, that - when everything fell apart, it was too late to enact, but she asked us to reveal the nature of her situation with Rex if we couldn't find a killer.
[ which. they couldn't! but then we were like 100% sure they found one the last five minutes. rip. he smiles a little. ] She was so frustrated with the world and the limits put on her - and many of our inability to see what she couldn't tell, for reasons related to Rex, and for reasons not.
[ Foolishly, selfishly, with cowardice, I simply . . . hoped that one day they would see me there and put voice to the things I could not speak. ]
...We cannot assume - we can only ask when she returns. [ and not if, but when. ] But, I cannot fault her for her decision on Thursday evening. I do see your point - I understand what you're getting at. But... I think there is value and weight in the way that things went, too. Even if she had chosen to simply kill Rochalizo, she would have had to live with that guilt - and we would have caught her. If not for that, then for killing Rex, just as she'd asked, and all of the Dust would have been lost, anyway.
[ xie lian shakes his head. ]
...And I know, Miss Alisaie. It was a moment of heated emotion. [ a little smile, there. ] That is why I did not step in any further beyond what I said. I trusted that of you, and I trust that of you very much.
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after a long moment, thoughtful; ]
Then... I suppose there is a counter of this; who else would you have asked him to take in her stead?
[ equally blunt, but - it is only in conversation, and gently delivered. xie lian gets it. he really does, he understands what she's saying perfectly, and to talk of the cruelties of this place as something inescapable is hard, but. ] This place takes our choice from us, and forces our hands in the cruelest of ways. That is the vilest of evils, the cruelest of manners, and while the choice for Susato was deliberate, the choice not to kill at all was taken from him.
...As it was taken from others.
[ there's a moment of deliberate pause, there - but. he reaches to absently scratch san lang under the chin, who stretches. ] If given the choice, I think many of those here would not have ever raised their hand to take the life of another, but that choice is never given. Susato did her best to enable that there would be a choice - I spoke with Rochalizo last night, and he told me that Susato was the one who made the cake, and the one who drugged Rochalizo with it, because instead of being forced into killing each other, or attempting to, she wanted the chance for them both to live.
...She was the one who did her best to follow a path unknown, not Rochalizo, though - I think he would have, if not already compelled. To throw spite into the face of the Angels who had already forced her into that position, once, instead of allowing the angels to just win. I know she wanted to find the others who had been through a thing as terrible as she had, weeks ago, in order to help them bear the load of their guilt - so that they would not be alone.
[ there's a quiet uptick in emotion as he speaks - xie lian's expression shifts, brows furrowing together, sadness pulling his mouth downwards before he catches himself and shakes his head, letting the loss of a close friend gently melt into his heart, still as water. ]
... I don't disagree with your suspicions, either - I am sure that vengeance would be the ideal means to justify their ends. It is why I think that choosing kindness and mercy in those situations instead is so important.
[ and that ends with a smile, soft and genuine. ]
no subject
That sounds like a trap, Xie Lian. Are you asking me now to be the arbiter of our worth? I can tell you those who would offer the angels less power, but you and I both know there is no easy option, even if there may be an "ideal" one.
[But aside from that, she'll listen, though she lifts her eyebrows at the pause. And when he finishes... she shakes her head. Gently at first, but then harder. It's hard to explain--she still hasn't quite managed to align everything running through her mind into neat and orderly thoughts, but--]
She wanted people to confide in her, but was not willing to confide in others. I gave her multiple opportunities to do so--I asked her to talk to me--and still she kept her silence. She told me the afternoon ere she died that she would have liked to talk about things but hadn't been certain I wanted to know. But I had asked, many times.
Susato is clever and strong and much more capable than she thinks others believe her. But she also has the tendency to adapt a belief as truth when it is not. On Thursday, she seemed convinced we'd thought her a helpless young girl in need of rescue at the time of Rex's murder, though I doubt anyone has seen her as helpless or in need of rescue. She thought the trust I would have in her unwarranted if I did not doubt or suspect her first, without considering I might have arrived at my conclusions another way.
[Wasn't this supposed to be about her murder, not Susato herself? Well, perhaps it's all right; this is the first that Alisaie's actually talked about Susato properly since her death, and between their last conversations and the letter Susato wrote her she's been struggling to put it all together, especially with the context of everything else underscoring it.]
And in the snow this week, she sought to spite the angels. Full well do I understand her desire to do so, but given the nature of the battle we fight... the path that might ultimately save the most begins on one of those laid out before us. To ensure we will be able to reach the best possible outcome for everybody, we must consider the wider picture. Not just how we may make our individual stands.
[Speaking of which... she gives Xie Lian that same look from before.]
That is why I had no intentions of truly harming Rochalízo last night. I was angry at what the both of them had done, but I will not give the angels more power if I may avoid it.
no subject
[ a sheepish smile, there. xie lian would never ask that of anyone, and that's the point! especially not of alisaie, who he knows is hurting, too. just listening to her makes it clear - as ever, he's quiet and thoughtful, nodding as he runs his hand gently over san lang's head as he considers what to say in return. ]
... I think many did see her as someone in need in rescue - or, certainly, many saw her as impossibly innocent of the crime itself. Even I didn't believe it, and I only came to to the conclusion that she killed Rex that Monday. I agree - I never once saw her as incapable - but I think I also couldn't stand the idea of her having been the one to do the deed. Truthfully, her own near death in that situation makes even more sense, knowing the type of person that she is, and the context of it all.
Part of that is because her realm is quite unfair to women, I believe. Whether people saw her as weak was true or not, the people of her realm certainly would have assumed so, and it is difficult to throw away how the world has always treated you in the context of a new place. But... I think there was much she was willing to confide, for as much as she was able to, if she felt it was safe to do so.
[ ... he knows that, anyway. xie lian bites his lip for a moment, looking down at san lang, who makes a quiet noise and nuzzles into his hand. ] As you and I are certainly stubborn, I think she is, too. [ which is honestly probably why they get along so well. full hearted and committed to the their decisions. ]
Even last week, she... I think her stubbornness in that situation was quite obvious. [ smash cut to susato scolding them all for not checking coins. ] We had a contingency plan, last week, that - when everything fell apart, it was too late to enact, but she asked us to reveal the nature of her situation with Rex if we couldn't find a killer.
[ which. they couldn't! but then we were like 100% sure they found one the last five minutes. rip. he smiles a little. ] She was so frustrated with the world and the limits put on her - and many of our inability to see what she couldn't tell, for reasons related to Rex, and for reasons not.
[ Foolishly, selfishly, with cowardice, I simply . . . hoped that one day they would see me there and put voice to the things I could not speak. ]
...We cannot assume - we can only ask when she returns. [ and not if, but when. ] But, I cannot fault her for her decision on Thursday evening. I do see your point - I understand what you're getting at. But... I think there is value and weight in the way that things went, too. Even if she had chosen to simply kill Rochalizo, she would have had to live with that guilt - and we would have caught her. If not for that, then for killing Rex, just as she'd asked, and all of the Dust would have been lost, anyway.
[ xie lian shakes his head. ]
...And I know, Miss Alisaie. It was a moment of heated emotion. [ a little smile, there. ] That is why I did not step in any further beyond what I said. I trusted that of you, and I trust that of you very much.