[...what? Her brow furrows for a moment as she tries to figure out if he really means it. Flat usually does, she's found, but... saying something like that is such a wild difference from everything else she's been hearing that it's almost difficult to believe. But a moment later, her lips flatten out and her expression shifts to frustrated, her voice dry.]
Were I the type for performative guilt, it may have prevented rocks being thrown at my head or river water poured down my back. Or being accused of not caring about people.
[She shakes her head, voice going back to its usual candor.]
But you're correct. Had I allowed myself to be lost to guilt for mine actions, I wouldn't have been able to do anything to help us reach this day.
More than guilty, I find myself disheartened. Those I thought I knew well have come to think so little of me because I chose to keep fighting to change things. Mayhap in their eyes I should have wallowed in self-loathing and guilt-- [Her fists had started to soften, but she squeezes her hands tight again, knuckles whitening] --but doing so would not have helped any of us, least of all Roxis.
Edited (tmw you've already done that whoops) 2021-11-25 05:33 (UTC)
[ there is a long silence from flat as he listens to her…
…????
he tilts his head to the side, almost bird-like. his brows are knit together, as if he’s having a hard time piecing together her logic. ]
Do you even know what Roxis needs, Alisaie? Though I guess you do have to know your victim to some degree…
[ he shakes his head. ]
I don’t get it, you say that you’re not feeling guilty, but then why are you coming up to Roxis to apologize and ask him to get payback if you aren’t feeling some guilt? [ sometimes, you use your strengthening to heighten your hearing. ] Like… that’s like if I went up to Rochalízo in person and tried to apologize to him again for poisoning him, okay? There’s no point in it anymore.
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no subject
Were I the type for performative guilt, it may have prevented rocks being thrown at my head or river water poured down my back. Or being accused of not caring about people.
[She shakes her head, voice going back to its usual candor.]
But you're correct. Had I allowed myself to be lost to guilt for mine actions, I wouldn't have been able to do anything to help us reach this day.
More than guilty, I find myself disheartened. Those I thought I knew well have come to think so little of me because I chose to keep fighting to change things. Mayhap in their eyes I should have wallowed in self-loathing and guilt-- [Her fists had started to soften, but she squeezes her hands tight again, knuckles whitening] --but doing so would not have helped any of us, least of all Roxis.
no subject
…????
he tilts his head to the side, almost bird-like. his brows are knit together, as if he’s having a hard time piecing together her logic. ]
Do you even know what Roxis needs, Alisaie? Though I guess you do have to know your victim to some degree…
[ he shakes his head. ]
I don’t get it, you say that you’re not feeling guilty, but then why are you coming up to Roxis to apologize and ask him to get payback if you aren’t feeling some guilt? [ sometimes, you use your strengthening to heighten your hearing. ] Like… that’s like if I went up to Rochalízo in person and tried to apologize to him again for poisoning him, okay? There’s no point in it anymore.