We can just walk, if you'd like - it is nothing drastic or dramatic.
[ he dips his head, smiling at her, gentle as always. ] ...Rather, I just wanted to ask you about your vote. I hope that you will not take it as judgement - it is something of the opposite - but I am curious.
[ he is quiet as they continue to walk, and eventually leads alisaie over to somewhere quiet! a bench, or something. and, once they've settled, he listens, hands folded gently in his lap. ]
I thought perhaps the 'bubbles' Mr. Akira referred to would have to do with the speed of Suigetsu's motions - but moreso, I put my faith in Miss Susato's abilities and the item she had. There were other things, too, but those were the ones that felt the strongest to me.
Even still - each of these votes has been one that weighs heavy on my heart. Even last week, voting for Bertolt felt impossibly cruel. Even the week before - had I known death was on the line, perhaps I wouldn't have chosen to vote for my cousin, despite how despicable his actions were.
[ there's a pause. xie lian chooses his words carefully, as ever, to get his point across, and he seems to be thinking, tapping his fingertips against the side of his hand. ]
...but I have made a promise to someone, that I cannot throw my life away, even if it doesn't feel like throwing it away, to me. Even today, watching people tell me to sit down when I wanted to go and investigate - it was a stark reminder that the situation here is different from the one at my home.
Similarly, I think, Miss Alisaie - your brother would have been heartbroken, and must be very worried for your sake, even now.
[It's kind of funny that so many people think they need to tell her this. There's a little smile that comes to Alisaie's face, but it's tinged with wryness.]
You needn't worry about me, as I've no intentions of repeating my vote. I don't believe in heroic sacrifices.
[It takes her a moment to put the words together--nobody's asked her that before!]
The world I come from is fraught with dangers. I've come to realize that Alphinaud and I have seen more in our 19 years than many of our number. As such, we have been witness to more death than I care to admit.
Where there is struggle, there are those that fight against it. Eorzea is home to a great many adventurers seeking to make a name for themselves. Too often, these desires lead them to ruin. They think that to die bravely is the greatest honor they could have wished for and sacrifice themselves when a simple plan would have sufficed to see them home safe and sound, and they leave behind those who knew them to pick up the pieces and mourn.
Heroic sacrifices are to remain an absolute last resort. Sometimes our hands may be forced, but it is far better to try and bring everybody home safely.
[ xie lian listens to every word alisaie gives, paying her story of home the attention that it rightfully deserves.
...it's funny, a little, if only because he gets it. it's such an easy reminder of the soldiers of xian le, dying in the name of their god when their god simply wanted them to live. at home, xie lian tends towards the self-sacrificial himself, but the rules here are different, and he's been trying to be a little bit more careful.
as she finishes, he nods, solemn and quiet. ]
... That's a good point to make, Miss Alisaie. [ and from someone younger than him, even - she's not kidding. ]
I have always thought that it would be better to save all the people that I can. [ the catacombs, the tired, dirty children they were able to pull free - only ten, only ten, a number that's going to stick in xie lian's heart for the rest of his life. ] Anything that keeps people alive keeps our hope alive, particularly in a place like this is worth doing. Including taking care of ourselves, hm?
[ there's a little humor to that, a little smile. he is dunking on himself a bit here, mostly because xie lian is still beat to shit from his adventure. ]
Thank you, for sharing that with me - I appreciate it, truly.
[She nods as well.] I hope you understand now that you need not worry about me. I may be willing to do a great many stupid and reckless things, but I know my own limits.
...Xie Lian, would you share with me your own story? We've not had the opportunity to speak often. I would like to know more about you.
[ the sass gets a little smile, too - he doesn't seem to mind it. san lang the ferret chitters from around his neck, pleased.
and as for the question... ]
...Something of the like. [ xie lian tucks his hands together in his sleeves. he seems to take a moment where he's trying to decide where to start. ] I was something of an adventurer myself, though I have long since completed that journey. I saw many situations similar to what you described on those travels - and, my own home has been through great strife. I have fought alongside many brave men in the harshest battles of war, many who wish for the same - to die in battle for you is my greatest honor, when I would rather they simply live, instead.
Truthfully, all I have ever wanted is to help people. I have been in a privileged position where I am able to do so, but even still, it never feels quite like enough.
[Wow does some of that hit close to home. Alisaie drops her attention toward Taf, who has been lying quietly in her lap since they sat, gently brushing back his fur.
(Depending on how observant Xie Lian is, he may well have noticed by this point that she hasn't met his eyes once.)]
That's a struggle I understand all too well. That feeling of being powerless to do enough to save people... it's a terrible feeling.
[ he is pretty darn observant! he keeps it to himself for the moment, though, glancing at her briefly before closing his eyes. ]
Mmm - the worst there can be.
[ xian le and catacombs, alike.
what does keep pushing xie lian on? he tilts his head up for a moment. after everything - after tasting failure, for the first time in his life, after watching the world fall apart in his hands under the whims of a foul creature with a half smiling-half crying mask - it is a fresh, fresh wound still, but he keeps moving forward.
it's a good question.
he opens his eyes again. ]
...I think it is just that I still can. [ like he's coming to a little bit of a realization. ] Because I still walk this earth, I have the ability to help others, and even I get knocked down, I can get back up and try again.
I want to save people. That's all I've ever wanted - it is all I have ever worked for. There will always be people who need help, and for as long as I am alive, that is all I ever want to do.
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Ah, Xie Lian. Forgive me, I'm a bit on edge after earlier.
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[ could. could anyone.
he gives her a gentle smile, though, slowly lowering his hands. ] I thought perhaps we could chat, for a moment. If that's alright?
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[ he dips his head, smiling at her, gentle as always. ] ...Rather, I just wanted to ask you about your vote. I hope that you will not take it as judgement - it is something of the opposite - but I am curious.
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[She isn't looking at him, but his voice has always seemed akin to a moment's peace in the middle of chaos. That hasn't changed.]
A lot of people are, it seems. [She pauses, pressing her lips together in thought.] It was something I had to do. No more, no less.
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[ he is quiet as they continue to walk, and eventually leads alisaie over to somewhere quiet! a bench, or something. and, once they've settled, he listens, hands folded gently in his lap. ]
May I ask why?
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I couldn't write a name I wasn't certain of.
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...There was a moment where I thought I would vote for myself, as well, for the same reason.
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Did you vote for Suigetsu?
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I thought perhaps the 'bubbles' Mr. Akira referred to would have to do with the speed of Suigetsu's motions - but moreso, I put my faith in Miss Susato's abilities and the item she had. There were other things, too, but those were the ones that felt the strongest to me.
Even still - each of these votes has been one that weighs heavy on my heart. Even last week, voting for Bertolt felt impossibly cruel. Even the week before - had I known death was on the line, perhaps I wouldn't have chosen to vote for my cousin, despite how despicable his actions were.
[ there's a pause. xie lian chooses his words carefully, as ever, to get his point across, and he seems to be thinking, tapping his fingertips against the side of his hand. ]
...but I have made a promise to someone, that I cannot throw my life away, even if it doesn't feel like throwing it away, to me. Even today, watching people tell me to sit down when I wanted to go and investigate - it was a stark reminder that the situation here is different from the one at my home.
Similarly, I think, Miss Alisaie - your brother would have been heartbroken, and must be very worried for your sake, even now.
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You needn't worry about me, as I've no intentions of repeating my vote. I don't believe in heroic sacrifices.
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xie lian stays quiet, for a moment, processing that, and all that she's said so far. ]
... I see. Because of the consequences?
tmw you realize that we'd already had a pc catchall and i just...... didn't use it for this.......
The world I come from is fraught with dangers. I've come to realize that Alphinaud and I have seen more in our 19 years than many of our number. As such, we have been witness to more death than I care to admit.
Where there is struggle, there are those that fight against it. Eorzea is home to a great many adventurers seeking to make a name for themselves. Too often, these desires lead them to ruin. They think that to die bravely is the greatest honor they could have wished for and sacrifice themselves when a simple plan would have sufficed to see them home safe and sound, and they leave behind those who knew them to pick up the pieces and mourn.
Heroic sacrifices are to remain an absolute last resort. Sometimes our hands may be forced, but it is far better to try and bring everybody home safely.
[Opinions.]
im in tears it be like that sometimes
...it's funny, a little, if only because he gets it. it's such an easy reminder of the soldiers of xian le, dying in the name of their god when their god simply wanted them to live. at home, xie lian tends towards the self-sacrificial himself, but the rules here are different, and he's been trying to be a little bit more careful.
as she finishes, he nods, solemn and quiet. ]
... That's a good point to make, Miss Alisaie. [ and from someone younger than him, even - she's not kidding. ]
I have always thought that it would be better to save all the people that I can. [ the catacombs, the tired, dirty children they were able to pull free - only ten, only ten, a number that's going to stick in xie lian's heart for the rest of his life. ] Anything that keeps people alive keeps our hope alive, particularly in a place like this is worth doing. Including taking care of ourselves, hm?
[ there's a little humor to that, a little smile. he is dunking on himself a bit here, mostly because xie lian is still beat to shit from his adventure. ]
Thank you, for sharing that with me - I appreciate it, truly.
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...Xie Lian, would you share with me your own story? We've not had the opportunity to speak often. I would like to know more about you.
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You and I both, Miss Alisaie. [ sometimes... you are just a dumbass with a big heart actually
as for his story, though ... some of the laughter fades from his face, shifting into a gentler, more sheepish smile. ]
...I'm afraid I don't know where to start, though I wouldn't mind sharing. What would you like to know?
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But I have told you some of Eorzea's struggles. Do you face aught like it?
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and as for the question... ]
...Something of the like. [ xie lian tucks his hands together in his sleeves. he seems to take a moment where he's trying to decide where to start. ] I was something of an adventurer myself, though I have long since completed that journey. I saw many situations similar to what you described on those travels - and, my own home has been through great strife. I have fought alongside many brave men in the harshest battles of war, many who wish for the same - to die in battle for you is my greatest honor, when I would rather they simply live, instead.
Truthfully, all I have ever wanted is to help people. I have been in a privileged position where I am able to do so, but even still, it never feels quite like enough.
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(Depending on how observant Xie Lian is, he may well have noticed by this point that she hasn't met his eyes once.)]
That's a struggle I understand all too well. That feeling of being powerless to do enough to save people... it's a terrible feeling.
But something must keep you pushing forward, yes?
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Mmm - the worst there can be.
[ xian le and catacombs, alike.
what does keep pushing xie lian on? he tilts his head up for a moment. after everything - after tasting failure, for the first time in his life, after watching the world fall apart in his hands under the whims of a foul creature with a half smiling-half crying mask - it is a fresh, fresh wound still, but he keeps moving forward.
it's a good question.
he opens his eyes again. ]
...I think it is just that I still can. [ like he's coming to a little bit of a realization. ] Because I still walk this earth, I have the ability to help others, and even I get knocked down, I can get back up and try again.
I want to save people. That's all I've ever wanted - it is all I have ever worked for. There will always be people who need help, and for as long as I am alive, that is all I ever want to do.