[IT'S FINE she Knows Things so she isn't going to meet the suspicion with anything more than a half-shrug.]
Alphinaud told me about the letter you'd sent him.
Forgive me, Rex. I realized what Susato had done, but it didn't occur to me you wouldn't know we had figured it out. Spike and I first began to wonder if it was her the night of the masquerade.
I'm sorry we let you think you'd been forgotten for so long.
Cared about what, exactly? Because it wasn't me, when you knew who killed me and decided to not do anything about it. And it wasn't Susato, when she told you what she did, and you acted like she was the only killer in the room.
[It's kind of funny. She's been fucking miserable this week, but this? This brings back some of her spark. Alisaie clenches her hands into fists, steeling herself against the accusations.]
The angels threatened to kill my brother, Rex. They blinded me for risking being found out once and the next week made me think they'd made good on those threats.
Mayhap you'd be brave enough to call their bluff if you'd heard your brother begging you to help him, but I wasn't.
[ ...well. that certainly does provide some valuable context. and maybe he'd even be more sympathetic, if he could remember having a brother, or other loved ones, that he could imagine in that position.
but he doesn't. all he has is liars. ]
Sure, fine, you "care." And what use is that to anybody else, if you don't actually do anything about it? Just because you tell yourself you care doesn't mean anybody else sees it.
At least Susato proved that she cared, even to me, and she's the one who killed me.
[Her lips press together tightly, one balled fist going to her hip (she'd fold her arms, but her left arm isn't fully healed, a deep slash still visible from her shoulder down her arm).]
And until today we'd not seen anything of what you've been doing in this realm. Roxis and Ulrika were the names most frequently mentioned in our meetings--shall I say they were the only ones who cared what happened here? You and Yelena got angry with me for not magically knowing you'd been building a bomb only they told us anything about!
What did you expect me to do? Accuse Susato before everybody while knowing the truth of mine own crimes?!
It's not about accusing her or not! I don't care about that--not anymore, anyway. Everyone found out it was her in the end, and it didn't even change anything.
But she came to you feeling guilty, and you knew why, and, what, all you could offer her was a "too bad, so sad, suck that you're a murderer but couldn't be me"? You know how terrible that feels, finding out later that the person you spilled your guts to was just as bad as you but didn't trust you enough to say anything about it? [ i mean. rex doesn't, because he's not susato and he wasn't there for that convo. but he's no stranger to betrayals, and he could see how much it hurt her to find out that alisaie had also killed after the fact. ]
You can say you care all you want, if it makes you feel better, but it doesn't change the fact that you hurt her. [ and also, y'know, killed roxis, but like. he can forgive murder compulsion, at least. ]
You seem to have a very different understanding of what happened than I. [She's frowning--Alisaie hasn't seen Susato yet to speak with her, but she can guess that Rex is working with with Susato's told him.]
Susato never told me what she did, nor did she "spill her guts." Each time I asked her to confide in me she redirected the conversation. She chose to keep her deeds to herself until I was certain enough of my suspicions to bring them up, and even then she said she didn't know what I meant by it!
You can be angry at me for not confessing to her in turn. But it was hardly a matter of trust. As I said, the angels threatened to kill Alphinaud. I tried to communicate that to her more than once and I thought she'd understood that. I had every reason to believe that were I to confess to my deeds, they would kill him.
I won't apologize for trying to protect him.
[But wow, no wonder she was getting so much grief at the beginning of the week--she's been working her ass off to try and collect information and organize everything for this war against Metatron and Xaphania, but it sounds like this side has been focusing on who has or hasn't been performative enough in their regret for their actions. And if that was the case, she was always going to come up short; Alisaie is the type of person to hide her weaker moments, especially in public.]
But you don't care about my side of things, do you? You only care that Susato was upset. In which case nothing I say is going to matter.
[ lmao tbf it's just rex who demands performativity #notalldeads
anyway rex's jaw clenches with a stern expression. ]
You don't have to apologize for anything. But I don't have to like any of it either. If there's one thing I learned from this place, it's that everyone's got their own side of things, and everyone picks whose side they care about most.
For you, your brother outweighed Susato. For me, Susato outweighs you. [ his tense anger loosens so that he shrugs with one shoulder with a callous air. ] If you make it up to her, then maybe I'll reconsider. But that all depends on how much you care about her, or me.
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Why? What does it matter?
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Alphinaud told me about the letter you'd sent him.
Forgive me, Rex. I realized what Susato had done, but it didn't occur to me you wouldn't know we had figured it out. Spike and I first began to wonder if it was her the night of the masquerade.
I'm sorry we let you think you'd been forgotten for so long.
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...What? Of course I cared!
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The angels threatened to kill my brother, Rex. They blinded me for risking being found out once and the next week made me think they'd made good on those threats.
Mayhap you'd be brave enough to call their bluff if you'd heard your brother begging you to help him, but I wasn't.
That doesn't mean I didn't care.
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but he doesn't. all he has is liars. ]
Sure, fine, you "care." And what use is that to anybody else, if you don't actually do anything about it? Just because you tell yourself you care doesn't mean anybody else sees it.
At least Susato proved that she cared, even to me, and she's the one who killed me.
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And until today we'd not seen anything of what you've been doing in this realm. Roxis and Ulrika were the names most frequently mentioned in our meetings--shall I say they were the only ones who cared what happened here? You and Yelena got angry with me for not magically knowing you'd been building a bomb only they told us anything about!
What did you expect me to do? Accuse Susato before everybody while knowing the truth of mine own crimes?!
[Hello????]
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But she came to you feeling guilty, and you knew why, and, what, all you could offer her was a "too bad, so sad, suck that you're a murderer but couldn't be me"? You know how terrible that feels, finding out later that the person you spilled your guts to was just as bad as you but didn't trust you enough to say anything about it? [ i mean. rex doesn't, because he's not susato and he wasn't there for that convo. but he's no stranger to betrayals, and he could see how much it hurt her to find out that alisaie had also killed after the fact. ]
You can say you care all you want, if it makes you feel better, but it doesn't change the fact that you hurt her. [ and also, y'know, killed roxis, but like. he can forgive murder compulsion, at least. ]
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Susato never told me what she did, nor did she "spill her guts." Each time I asked her to confide in me she redirected the conversation. She chose to keep her deeds to herself until I was certain enough of my suspicions to bring them up, and even then she said she didn't know what I meant by it!
You can be angry at me for not confessing to her in turn. But it was hardly a matter of trust. As I said, the angels threatened to kill Alphinaud. I tried to communicate that to her more than once and I thought she'd understood that. I had every reason to believe that were I to confess to my deeds, they would kill him.
I won't apologize for trying to protect him.
[But wow, no wonder she was getting so much grief at the beginning of the week--she's been working her ass off to try and collect information and organize everything for this war against Metatron and Xaphania, but it sounds like this side has been focusing on who has or hasn't been performative enough in their regret for their actions. And if that was the case, she was always going to come up short; Alisaie is the type of person to hide her weaker moments, especially in public.]
But you don't care about my side of things, do you? You only care that Susato was upset. In which case nothing I say is going to matter.
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anyway rex's jaw clenches with a stern expression. ]
You don't have to apologize for anything. But I don't have to like any of it either. If there's one thing I learned from this place, it's that everyone's got their own side of things, and everyone picks whose side they care about most.
For you, your brother outweighed Susato. For me, Susato outweighs you. [ his tense anger loosens so that he shrugs with one shoulder with a callous air. ] If you make it up to her, then maybe I'll reconsider. But that all depends on how much you care about her, or me.