[Wagahaaiiiiiiii their room is blessed. Alisaie's going to come over and take a seat, watching (kind of) for a moment... this entire situation is cute. In spite of everything, having that small comfort of home? It makes her smile.]
I wanted to apologize to you. There's been much and more on my mind this past week, and I think our friendship has suffered for it. Pray forgive me.
[i swear to god i am going to break the notifs system myself if it doesn't stop losing these]
[Anyway, there's a bit of a half-laugh from Aliaie as she looks down to her lap.]
If that is true, I am grateful. However...
[Hmm. There's no good way to go about this, so she's just going to go for it and hope she can explain fast enough that Susato doesn't panic and flee again.]
I know what happened with Rex. I'm not asking you to speak of it, nor will I bring it up beyond this--but I wanted to be honest with you. I began to suspect after you fled from me at the ball.
I also know that Alphinaud has told you his own deeds. I had realized it myself, but the comment you made Monday about pursuing the truth beyond the trial's end worried me. ...I cannot lose him, Susato; he is my brother.
I was terrified that what you had told me in Otamo about being uneasy in our pursuit of truth had changed in lieu of Rex's death. But now I realize that you were worried for him and the weight on his shoulders after all had happened.
Pray forgive me my suspicions--I ought never to have doubted you.
[She listens quietly, folding her hands in her lap.]
Well, first of all, I don't know what you mean by that.
[She says that quickly, to get it out of the way, before continuing on.]
. . . But I did want to find out what happened to him. And that is a hard needle to thread, isn't it? I don't believe someone who was forced into killing someone else ought to be punished for it. I've continued to look into the cases week by week, but with no intention of exposing anyone. If I have suspicions of Alphinaud, you can rest assured they will remain mine alone. But for some reason, I felt a little differently about Rex. [After all, she kept badgering them not to accuse certain people, but still turned up at their meetings, provided her notes, encouraged them to keep looking into it.]
I suppose what you say is . . . not altogether surprising to me. You've tried to bring up the conversation before, though you have always let me steer you to another topic. But I think your request is misplaced.
I do not forgive you, because doubt and suspicion is something that I value, whether it be over Rex or my intentions. [She sighs.] I have . . . been troubled, in fact, by its absence in the heart of many of my friends.
[...oh. Oh, that's hard to hear. As Susato continues speaking, her eyes drop until she's looking at her lap again, though she continues to listen. If Susato needs to tell her that she's a terrible friend for having doubted her in the first place, she will hear it.
Except the end of what she says is different than what Alisaie's expecting. And although it still hurts--and gods, does it hurt to feel so thoroughly rebuked--she's... not sure precisely what it is Susato's saying.
Aside from "I do not forgive you." But even that...]
I don't understand. You're troubled by your friends' trust...?
[She frowns, concerned, at Alisaie's reaction. She's not trying to hurt her, but she is trying something rather unusual. To be her honest self, jagged edges and all, unsightly anger and frustration not hidden away.]
. . . Please understand, I'm not angry with you, it's only that the question was wrong. [But after a moment, she pauses, trying to think of how to answer the question.] I think . . . Rex's trial was a little unfair to him, wasn't it? I received a lot of sympathy. It's natural - I was abducted and bound and put in an terrifying situation, and I'm only a young girl. Completely useless and helpless and needed to be saved. And everyone was so happy that they had managed to save me from it. But we never found out what happened, and we all moved on, content at least in that much of a happy ending.
But there have been a few people who have been willing to question some of the inconsistencies, and I have . . . valued that quality very highly, over these past several weeks.
You're suggesting you ought to have assumed based on trust that I would be too kind-hearted to harm Alphinaud. And I wouldn't hurt him, but - would that have really been a safe assumption to make?
[...ah. This makes a little more sense. Though there's definitely a lot to unpack here.]
Let us return to the matter of Rex's trial later, though I would point out the fallacies in your logic.
My trust in you does not come blindly, now or before. My trust was gained because you have proven yourself to be someone of many qualities I value highly, among those your determination, your sense of what is right and just, and your refusal to shy away from difficult situations. You are someone with a strong character and empathy for others--that is what made me trust you.
Had I not questioned you last week, my belief that you wouldn't harm Alphinaud would not have been because I thought you too kind-hearted to do so. It would have been because when you suspected me in Otamo and in Ahnkeen, you continued to treat me as a friend. You suspected more than the situation might have suggested.
[All she can see are blobs, but she looks at Susato anyways, focusing as best she can on where her eyes should be.]
And even then, should my trust have been misplaced there would have been a reckoning. I did and do trust that my own actions have made this clear to everybody here.
[After a moment, she sighs, turning her attention elsewhere.]
I suppose what I am asking forgiveness for is not having had suspicions in the first place, but for not speaking with you about them.
Is this another case of you wanting me to push you for an answer?
[She's not certain, but there's a hint of warmth in her voice as she continues, a little hint of teasing that hasn't been there in a while.] You may wish to rethink it, if that is truly the case. As my brother will gladly affirm, I can be quite stubborn.
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Oh! Yes, of course.
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I wanted to apologize to you. There's been much and more on my mind this past week, and I think our friendship has suffered for it. Pray forgive me.
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As far as I'm aware, you have nothing to apologize for.
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[Anyway, there's a bit of a half-laugh from Aliaie as she looks down to her lap.]
If that is true, I am grateful. However...
[Hmm. There's no good way to go about this, so she's just going to go for it and hope she can explain fast enough that Susato doesn't panic and flee again.]
I know what happened with Rex. I'm not asking you to speak of it, nor will I bring it up beyond this--but I wanted to be honest with you. I began to suspect after you fled from me at the ball.
I also know that Alphinaud has told you his own deeds. I had realized it myself, but the comment you made Monday about pursuing the truth beyond the trial's end worried me. ...I cannot lose him, Susato; he is my brother.
I was terrified that what you had told me in Otamo about being uneasy in our pursuit of truth had changed in lieu of Rex's death. But now I realize that you were worried for him and the weight on his shoulders after all had happened.
Pray forgive me my suspicions--I ought never to have doubted you.
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Well, first of all, I don't know what you mean by that.
[She says that quickly, to get it out of the way, before continuing on.]
. . . But I did want to find out what happened to him. And that is a hard needle to thread, isn't it? I don't believe someone who was forced into killing someone else ought to be punished for it. I've continued to look into the cases week by week, but with no intention of exposing anyone. If I have suspicions of Alphinaud, you can rest assured they will remain mine alone. But for some reason, I felt a little differently about Rex. [After all, she kept badgering them not to accuse certain people, but still turned up at their meetings, provided her notes, encouraged them to keep looking into it.]
I suppose what you say is . . . not altogether surprising to me. You've tried to bring up the conversation before, though you have always let me steer you to another topic. But I think your request is misplaced.
I do not forgive you, because doubt and suspicion is something that I value, whether it be over Rex or my intentions. [She sighs.] I have . . . been troubled, in fact, by its absence in the heart of many of my friends.
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Except the end of what she says is different than what Alisaie's expecting. And although it still hurts--and gods, does it hurt to feel so thoroughly rebuked--she's... not sure precisely what it is Susato's saying.
Aside from "I do not forgive you." But even that...]
I don't understand. You're troubled by your friends' trust...?
[You value doubt and suspicion...?]
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. . . Please understand, I'm not angry with you, it's only that the question was wrong. [But after a moment, she pauses, trying to think of how to answer the question.] I think . . . Rex's trial was a little unfair to him, wasn't it? I received a lot of sympathy. It's natural - I was abducted and bound and put in an terrifying situation, and I'm only a young girl. Completely useless and helpless and needed to be saved. And everyone was so happy that they had managed to save me from it. But we never found out what happened, and we all moved on, content at least in that much of a happy ending.
But there have been a few people who have been willing to question some of the inconsistencies, and I have . . . valued that quality very highly, over these past several weeks.
You're suggesting you ought to have assumed based on trust that I would be too kind-hearted to harm Alphinaud. And I wouldn't hurt him, but - would that have really been a safe assumption to make?
no subject
Let us return to the matter of Rex's trial later, though I would point out the fallacies in your logic.
My trust in you does not come blindly, now or before. My trust was gained because you have proven yourself to be someone of many qualities I value highly, among those your determination, your sense of what is right and just, and your refusal to shy away from difficult situations. You are someone with a strong character and empathy for others--that is what made me trust you.
Had I not questioned you last week, my belief that you wouldn't harm Alphinaud would not have been because I thought you too kind-hearted to do so. It would have been because when you suspected me in Otamo and in Ahnkeen, you continued to treat me as a friend. You suspected more than the situation might have suggested.
[All she can see are blobs, but she looks at Susato anyways, focusing as best she can on where her eyes should be.]
And even then, should my trust have been misplaced there would have been a reckoning. I did and do trust that my own actions have made this clear to everybody here.
[After a moment, she sighs, turning her attention elsewhere.]
I suppose what I am asking forgiveness for is not having had suspicions in the first place, but for not speaking with you about them.
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That I will accept. I would have liked to be able to talk about it, but . . . I wasn't certain enough you wanted to hear about it to keep trying.
[. . .]
The first time I really pushed someone into asking me about it, it. . . it went fairly badly. I haven't wanted to try since then.
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It isn't really a matter of who, only the why.
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Is this another case of you wanting me to push you for an answer?
[She's not certain, but there's a hint of warmth in her voice as she continues, a little hint of teasing that hasn't been there in a while.] You may wish to rethink it, if that is truly the case. As my brother will gladly affirm, I can be quite stubborn.
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No. I can talk about that, but I'd rather not. We have made amends.
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Full glad am I to hear it.
[If it was Sholmes, she'd. Definitely noticed that atmosphere between them at the trial. Yikes.]
At any rate, I wanted to clear the air.
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